5 things that did not happen on Bad Wolf Bay
by Rointheta
Summary: Five silly scenarios of what absolutely did not happen on Bad Wolf Bay after the fully Gallifreyan Doctor left the slightly human one with Rose in Journey's End.


**A/N:** This is the first piece of fan fiction I ever wrote and it's just pointless crack. I adore Tentoo, ship him and Rose, and firmly believe he is the Doctor. I don't think he's a clone or half Donna; I just couldn't help myself. ;)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Doctor Who. I just like to write.

* * *

Rose watched the TARDIS dematerialise from the cold Norwegian beach, feeling pieces of her broken heart following it into the void. A cool hand slipped into hers and she turned towards the blue suited Doctor, still somewhat confused over the fact that the love of her life managed to leave her for good and give her his forever at the same time. Well, if anyone could, it would be the Doctor. His hand fit perfectly in hers, just as it always had, and she searched his eyes for confirmation that he still was the same man in every other way.

* * *

**1.**

Rose opened her mouth to ask him what they were supposed to do now; however, he beat her to it. A beautiful, melodic string of words slipped through his lips and she couldn't understand a single part of it.

"What the hell?" she said, but then it dawned on her. "That bloody git! Leaving me with a stinking clone who only knows Gallifreyan and without a TARDIS to translate." She inspected him from head to toe and let out a small sigh. "You better be a good shag."

* * *

**2.**

"So, you're not dangerous though, are you?" Rose asked, thinking that the Doctor wouldn't have left her and her mum with a genocidal maniac.

"Dangerous? Nah, not me." Beaming at her, he patted his belly. "A bit peckish though."

Ten minutes later the new new new Doctor stood up and brushed sand off his knees. He leapt effortlessly over the gory remains of both Tyler women, wiping their blood off his mouth and letting out a delighted burp.

"I'm such a child." He giggled. "Wonder how Norwegians taste…"

* * *

**3.**

Rose reached out to touch the Doctor's chest again, longing to feel his single heart beat. She wanted to revel in how her presence made its thumps faster and stronger, just as his presence made her weak in the knees. Grabbing her by the waist, he pulled her close and kept her steady and on her feet. Oblivious to her mum's impatient sighs, Rose kissed her bespoke Doctor for the second time and relished in the feel of his lean body flush against hers. She ran her fingers from his magnificent hair down his neck and spine until she reached his backside. Cupping his bum and squeezing it gently, she pushed him even closer. Her right knee found its way between his and she could feel… Nope she couldn't. What the hell? Dread filled her as she leaned back and took a good look at his crotch to see if there was any sort of package there whatsoever.

He stepped further back, tugging at his ear. "Yeah… Maybe should've told you that before."

Her mouth went dry. "Told me what, Doctor?"

"The single heart wasn't the only thing I got from Donna. I'm, er, slightly female." Shrugging, he held up his index finger and thumb pad-to-pad. "Just a wee bit."

"Wha'?" Her jaw dropped so hard she could practically feel the cold sand on her chin.

"Sorry about that. But, you know, look at it from the bright side." His face was all white teeth and happy crinkles around sparkling brown eyes. "My curtains might still be sort of brown but at least now my carpet's ginger!"

* * *

**4.**

"I have to wait," Rose said, eyes pleading.

"Ah. Five and a half hours, right?"

"Yeah."

Jackie refused to do anything but get off that bloody beach, so they waited without her. After two hours the Doctor shrugged off his jacket so he could drape it around Rose's shivering frame. After another two he was seriously considering to take it back, since this body was more pervious to temperature changes. When only two and a half minutes remained, and he pointed this out since he was still mostly Time Lord and all that, she sighed heavily and started apologising for making him sit on a damp beach for hours.

"It's all right. Allons-y?" He held out his hand, wiggling his fingers.

She was just about to grab it and leave this beach forever, when the familiar sound of the TARDIS filled the air. Rose gasped, heart beating frantically in her chest, but she didn't dare to run up to the blue box. Her slightly human Doctor suppressed his confused reaction and schooled his features into a mask of indifference, trying to stave off the heartbreak.

A strange man with floppy hair and a bow-tie pranced out on the sand. "Oh Rose, forgive me! I should never have left you. Please take me back!" He ran up to her, showering her with air kisses.

"D-doctor?"

"The one and only." He smiled, shooting the other Doctor a smug glance.

"What's up with the …" She gestured vaguely around his torso.

"Haven't you heard? Bow-ties are cool!" The new Doctor adjusted his beloved accessory. "Oh, I miss our demand-free relationship. I need your chaste hugs and handholding! There's a curly haired hell-on-heels on my tail. Quite literally. Please don't let her devour me."

"Uhm." Rose eyed him from his fez clad head to his old-man-shoes. "Nah I'm good with Clone Boy here."

Turning around, Rose grabbed Clone Boy's hand and happily left Bad Wolf Bay without ever looking back.

* * *

**5.**

Feeling more heartbroken than ever before, Rose collapsed on the beach as her knees gave way. Looking down at her svelte figure, the newly spawned Doctor wondered how he'd never noticed before just how young and petite Rose was. He'd probably get paper-cuts all over if he were to bed that little girl. His mind drifted to a wonderful memory of a curvaceous body draped in a pink, slinky fabric; a memory from when he, a strange man, appeared in a bedroom where anything could happen, oh such a long time ago.

He turned around, smiling. "Hey Jackie, wait up! Remember the time when we first met and I had that old daft face?"


End file.
